times a tickin

one day down... 2 to go... fuck this is so hard... going from talking all day everyday for 2 years to no communication whatsoever is so fucking hard... thats what will be the most difficult these next 48 hours... and possibly forever depending on what she decides... it would be so amazing if she just figured it all out and could be back to normal with me. things are a little more complicating than your average couple relationship drama shit... its alot more complicating... so it makes all of this that much harder and scarier and heartbreaking.... i hope she comes back. fuck. i love her.

Truckin

i am continuing to have problems with my girlfriend.... she has left and then comes back... leaves... comes back... she doesnt know what she wants... she wont let go of the dark things and let the love and light in... i told her to leave for 3 days and to not communicate with me and figure out once and for all what she really wants... i am still head over heels and have faith in what we have where i believe we can get through this. we both love each other... she is just not sure... maybe its the age... maybe its because i work full time... maybe im shitty.... maybe she is... i dont know.... but i know im not dont yet... not yet.. so for the next 3 days... i will reflect and make the same decision she is trying to decide... do we let love in... or do we cast it back in the shadows and embrace sadness and loneliness and lose something that couldve been amazing.

I Will

-i will do my best to get through this as strong as i can

-i will not become a alcoholic again

-i will not let this affect my work

-i will never be in love again because my whole heart has been taken ( im not being emo, fuck you)

-i will do my best to keep within my budget so i can keep this appartment

-i will work my ass off at work and move up

-i will move to NYC and someday find happiness

-i will make this blog or a other blog hot tits that people are gonna wanna read daily and nightly

guess who hates life again.... you guessed that correctly!!! ME! so me and my gf have been going through some tough times lately... and the other day she bailed on me and said she was leaving me because she needed to be alone to be happy and left me crying and alone in our appartment... the next day she called me and said she loves me and figured out all is ok and she needs to find happiness within herself so she came back and i allowed her because i love her and shes amazing.... today at work i text her because she hadnt talked to me all day..... i asked what are you up to and she replies.... " i need to be alone tonight, im freaking out, im sorry" .... i come home and shes gone.... so now..... i sit here... contemplating what to do next... i love her and want to be with her but i cant endure this any longer... you either know or you dont.... soo.... it is 11:26 and i work at 10.... to calm myself i am now slamming budweisers as fast as i can because sadly i am a weak little boy and that is how i deal with my problems... so basically if you read this blog before... i am back to square one... and i guess... sadly you can welcome me back to this cynical fucking depressed angry way i can be.... im not proud to be back to be honest... i am losing the one i love... but this is the only way i know how to deal.... drink....spill feelings... and listen to ryan adams.

fuck my fucking life