times a tickin

one day down... 2 to go... fuck this is so hard... going from talking all day everyday for 2 years to no communication whatsoever is so fucking hard... thats what will be the most difficult these next 48 hours... and possibly forever depending on what she decides... it would be so amazing if she just figured it all out and could be back to normal with me. things are a little more complicating than your average couple relationship drama shit... its alot more complicating... so it makes all of this that much harder and scarier and heartbreaking.... i hope she comes back. fuck. i love her.

Truckin

i am continuing to have problems with my girlfriend.... she has left and then comes back... leaves... comes back... she doesnt know what she wants... she wont let go of the dark things and let the love and light in... i told her to leave for 3 days and to not communicate with me and figure out once and for all what she really wants... i am still head over heels and have faith in what we have where i believe we can get through this. we both love each other... she is just not sure... maybe its the age... maybe its because i work full time... maybe im shitty.... maybe she is... i dont know.... but i know im not dont yet... not yet.. so for the next 3 days... i will reflect and make the same decision she is trying to decide... do we let love in... or do we cast it back in the shadows and embrace sadness and loneliness and lose something that couldve been amazing.

I Will

-i will do my best to get through this as strong as i can

-i will not become a alcoholic again

-i will not let this affect my work

-i will never be in love again because my whole heart has been taken ( im not being emo, fuck you)

-i will do my best to keep within my budget so i can keep this appartment

-i will work my ass off at work and move up

-i will move to NYC and someday find happiness

-i will make this blog or a other blog hot tits that people are gonna wanna read daily and nightly

guess who hates life again.... you guessed that correctly!!! ME! so me and my gf have been going through some tough times lately... and the other day she bailed on me and said she was leaving me because she needed to be alone to be happy and left me crying and alone in our appartment... the next day she called me and said she loves me and figured out all is ok and she needs to find happiness within herself so she came back and i allowed her because i love her and shes amazing.... today at work i text her because she hadnt talked to me all day..... i asked what are you up to and she replies.... " i need to be alone tonight, im freaking out, im sorry" .... i come home and shes gone.... so now..... i sit here... contemplating what to do next... i love her and want to be with her but i cant endure this any longer... you either know or you dont.... soo.... it is 11:26 and i work at 10.... to calm myself i am now slamming budweisers as fast as i can because sadly i am a weak little boy and that is how i deal with my problems... so basically if you read this blog before... i am back to square one... and i guess... sadly you can welcome me back to this cynical fucking depressed angry way i can be.... im not proud to be back to be honest... i am losing the one i love... but this is the only way i know how to deal.... drink....spill feelings... and listen to ryan adams.

fuck my fucking life

moooovvvvinnnnggg

get me the fuck out!!!!

long time no visit no way

i havent posted on this blog in nearly an entire year. its fucking crazy to think about how much has changed in my life since i have started this blog. i started it heartbroken, alone, drunk, tired, and insane...ive grown alot since then and havent let the bad things get me down as much as they used to. i still get irritated easily, am very cynical, and have alot to bitch about...

i want to start this post with an update on what has happened to me in the past year...

i moved back to NC in december. it took me a while to get adjusted and be happy. i was laid off from barnes & noble and am now a waiter in a popular downtown restaurant. i am in a wonderful relationship with my gf kristen and we love each other very much. i live in a house with 4 other guys. 3 of whom i work with and 1 who is never home. the living situation could be better, its not that i dont like my roommates...there all great people. its just theres too much bickering and passive agressive shit in this house. it absolutely drives me insane. it causes me to stay in my room alot and not congregate as much. like i said, i love them all...its just difficult to live with 4 very different people and expect everything to work out smoothly. our lease is up in december though and me and kristen are going to move in together in a small 1 bedroom somewhere downtown, im really looking forward to it. i feel like ill be in constant peace there, just me and her and hopefully a little cat. i want to make it a home. i feel like i havent ever had a home. moving alot does that to you, you become numb of everything around you and nothing seems to become comfartable. the human being is a tricky little fucking thing...im gonna get ready for work and hopefully post more. i enjoyed this.

NEW BLOG!!!

\if you like this blog...youll love my top secret one....just email, txt, fbook, 20something myspace me and ill give you the domain. due to prior events this one wont be public. but i assure you its amazing.

peace love.

M ikey